Imagine that from one day to the next your little munchkin, who was calm and such a “stable” fella, is now throwing tantrums at the top of every hour, is irritable and it seems their favorite word now is NO. Crying for everything, not listening to the parents or caregivers at all and everything has been a reason for whining and protest. How do we deal with that? You must be wondering what happened to them to change their behavior so quickly, and now, they are doing things you did not teach them. You wonder where it went wrong, how come they are acting that way, right? I know, it can be frustrating but take it easy! There is a reason, it is not your necessary fault! Science explains what is happening during this phase and I can certainly give you some directions on how to turn these terrible twos into incredible twos!
What is the terrible twos stage?
This phase is what some may even call the baby’s adolescence, better known as terrible two. This phase takes place between a year and a half and lasts until the age of three (have you heard of threenagers?!) for your little one and reaches its peak at 2 years of age. What we see as rebellion is nothing more than the child seeing themselves as an individual. At this age, they begin to understand that they have their own wills and opinions, and start seeking to make decisions and make choices for themselves.
For parents or caregivers who are not used to this type of “independence”, it may seem that they are proving to be rude or difficult, but could it be that we were just not used to NOT deciding on everything for them?
Because they understand that they don’t want something or don’t want to do something, they react the way in primitive, natural ways which is what they know at the moment: kicking, crying, and screaming. It can be a big challenge and, as if that wasn’t enough, your little one has an accelerated development in this phase, which makes them appear more and more independent. They can even say things or phrases that will leave adults gasping or not knowing what to answer to such “advanced” question for their age. We know changes like these can be difficult to deal with, specially when it includes behavioral changes in such a short time, but this phase is a natural process of the child’s development. They really are little teenagers – laughs. And to help you get through this stage with less stress, here are some of my tips:
1. Have a consistent routine
It will happen that the child gets irritated or throws more tantrums when they are tired, hungry or when they want to do something and are unable to do it at that time. As always, my most recommended tip is to maintain a consistent and predictable routine with defined schedules and activities. Predictable routines promote security in children, it decreases stress as they already have a sense of how their day will go and this feeling brings them comfort.
Get in the habit to always have healthy snacks nearby – a few berries, or cheerios when you go out with your little one, so that they won’t get hangry. Be observant of their physical activities and do your best to acknowledge their level of tiredness. Alternate demanding physical activities with quiet/calm activities, so they are able to balance themselves. This will keep them calmer, avoiding moments of stress and over tiredness.
2. Explain what’s going on calmly
When they get angry for any reason, talk to them with a comforting voice. We know that we cannot always control ourselves, but try to be patient and explain what is happening, in a nutshell, with your child when they have a tantrum. Name and acknowledge their feelings first of all, then let them know why you can’t allow something to happen – if that is the case. And, it is important to explain about the natural consequences of the behavior as well. Seek alternatives with them and ask how they can help you not to feel so sad for not doing something. The best way to resolve disagreements is through conversation, by acknowledging their feelings and helping them understand their own feelings related to why it is happening.
3. Be patient with this phase that your little one is going through
It is a moment that requires extra patience and serenity, as it is a phase that is part of the child’s development and all children will go through this during the formation of their personality. The degree of “terrible” of each one, has more to do with the reaction and behavior from the parents when responding to this challenge than the toddlers themselves. Understand that no matter how much, in your eyes, you think the child does certain things to irritate you on purpose, they just want to be independent and test their own limits.
Avoid overreacting to these behaviors that appear to be provocations with bribing, irritation, or threats, as it will not only make the situation worse, it can generate an even more challenging behavioral pattern in the child, nurturing consequences that will make it difficult for them to relate with other people in the future. Wait for your little one’s anger to pass, practice taking a deep breath with them from an early age to calm down, connect with them emotionally and only then try to talk to them. When they are able to calm themselves down, they will, for sure, want to be held and will agree to talk with you calmly.
What is the terrible twos stage?
This phase is what some may even call the baby’s adolescence, better known as terrible two. This phase takes place between a year and a half and lasts until the age of three (have you heard of threenagers?!) for your little one and reaches its peak at 2 years of age. What we see as rebellion is nothing more than the child seeing themselves as an individual. At this age, they begin to understand that they have their own wills and opinions, and start seeking to make decisions and make choices for themselves.
For parents or caregivers who are not used to this type of “independence”, it may seem that they are proving to be rude or difficult, but could it be that we were just not used to NOT deciding on everything for them?
Because they understand that they don’t want something or don’t want to do something, they react the way in primitive, natural ways which is what they know at the moment: kicking, crying, and screaming. It can be a big challenge and, as if that wasn’t enough, your little one has an accelerated development in this phase, which makes them appear more and more independent. They can even say things or phrases that will leave adults gasping or not knowing what to answer to such “advanced” question for their age. We know changes like these can be difficult to deal with, specially when it includes behavioral changes in such a short time, but this phase is a natural process of the child’s development. They really are little teenagers – laughs. And to help you get through this stage with less stress, here are some of my tips:
1. Have a consistent routine
It will happen that the child gets irritated or throws more tantrums when they are tired, hungry or when they want to do something and are unable to do it at that time. As always, my most recommended tip is to maintain a consistent and predictable routine with defined schedules and activities. Predictable routines promote security in children, it decreases stress as they already have a sense of how their day will go and this feeling brings them comfort.
Get in the habit to always have healthy snacks nearby – a few berries, or cheerios when you go out with your little one, so that they won’t get hangry. Be observant of their physical activities and do your best to acknowledge their level of tiredness. Alternate demanding physical activities with quiet/calm activities, so they are able to balance themselves. This will keep them calmer, avoiding moments of stress and over tiredness.
2. Explain what’s going on calmly
When they get angry for any reason, talk to them with a comforting voice. We know that we cannot always control ourselves, but try to be patient and explain what is happening, in a nutshell, with your child when they have a tantrum. Name and acknowledge their feelings first of all, then let them know why you can’t allow something to happen – if that is the case. And, it is important to explain about the natural consequences of the behavior as well. Seek alternatives with them and ask how they can help you not to feel so sad for not doing something. The best way to resolve disagreements is through conversation, by acknowledging their feelings and helping them understand their own feelings related to why it is happening.
3. Be patient with this phase that your little one is going through
It is a moment that requires extra patience and serenity, as it is a phase that is part of the child’s development and all children will go through this during the formation of their personality. The degree of “terrible” of each one, has more to do with the reaction and behavior from the parents when responding to this challenge than the toddlers themselves. Understand that no matter how much, in your eyes, you think the child does certain things to irritate you on purpose, they just want to be independent and test their own limits.
Avoid overreacting to these behaviors that appear to be provocations with bribing, irritation, or threats, as it will not only make the situation worse, it can generate an even more challenging behavioral pattern in the child, nurturing consequences that will make it difficult for them to relate with other people in the future. Wait for your little one’s anger to pass, practice taking a deep breath with them from an early age to calm down, connect with them emotionally and only then try to talk to them. When they are able to calm themselves down, they will, for sure, want to be held and will agree to talk with you calmly.
